Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
