You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
