i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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