Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
