I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
