I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
