My friends, they love my intelligence
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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