I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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