Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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