she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
