My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
