I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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