how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
