I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
