Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
