First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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