What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
