took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
