At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
