you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
