You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
