Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
