i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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