Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
