I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
