OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
