my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
