i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
