no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
