omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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