Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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