4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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