He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
