I cockslap morals
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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