at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
