they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
