Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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