i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
