you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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