she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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