Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
