We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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