once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
