Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
