Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
