Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
