ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My balls are so social today.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize