I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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