I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
