12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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