he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
