apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
