You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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