Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As shirtless as possible
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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