i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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