How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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