dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize