I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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