I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize