I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Houston, we have a squirter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
