Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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