Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
