Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
