Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So many bounce houses so little time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
