you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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