then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
