I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
