A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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