It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
