we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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