Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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