margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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