Need sex. Gaining weight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
