i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
that may or may not have been my penis.
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